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The Lord’s Provision

March 28, 2009

I’ve often said that finding out Jeff had been caught with pornography was both the worst thing and the best thing that every happened to us.  It was the worst thing, because our lives became turned upside down as we lost our ministry and left a community that we dearly loved.  But it was the best thing, because it was the impetus for recovery, both for Jeff and our marriage. 

Additionally, we have learned so much about God’s faithfulness and loving kindness through the heartache and loneliness.  I joke that I’m not sure what I knew about the Lord before our world fell apart, because it seems like everything I know now I’ve learned in the aftermath.

God knew that Jeff was going to get caught.  In fact, he ordained it.  I’ve often wondered why it had to happen when we were with this particular congregation, one that we loved so much and was so hard to leave.  But regardless, I know the timing was perfect.

There were tremendous financial consequences to Jeff’s actions.  During our transition, there was a period in which neither of us had a job and we lived off of our savings.  We had a difficult time selling our home in an already bad housing market.  It cost us.  It cost several thousands of dollars to relocate to a new state.  On top of that, we spent several thousands of dollars on Christian counseling (by the way, it was worth every dime.)

Prior to our world getting turned upside down, Jeff and I had received several unexpected and rather large checks.  We had put them into savings, believing that God was providing them in advance of something major breaking (like a car or major appliance.)

However, after our world turned upside down, we saw God’s sweet provision.  Even as Jeff was involved in blatant sin on a computer meant for ministry, God was putting things in place so that the consequences of him getting caught would be less traumatic.  Don’t you see the grace?  Isn’t it incredible?

There were many more instances of God’s provision along the way.  While our neighbors had houses on the market for years, ours sold in less than 4 months, and right before a major downswing in the housing market.  We resettled in another state and found jobs just months before the beginning of a major recession. 

When we moved to our new state, we quickly found Christian counselors who specialized in intimacy issues and sexual addiction.  We found recovery ministries and met other couples whose story closely mirrored our own.  My counselor recommended a woman’s bible study specifically for women of sex addicts.  I could go on and on.  Despite my husband’s moral fall, the Lord saw to it that we all landed safely; taking care of details we could not even conceive.

It reminded me of Adam and Eve in the garden.  They found themselves naked and ashamed in the garden, with nobody to blame but themselves.  And what did the Lord do?  He sewed them clothing to cover their shame.  With his own hand, he made the consequences of their actions less bitter. That is grace beyond understanding.  That is the grace I came to know firsthand and I wouldn’t trade that lesson for anything in the world.




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