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Understanding Pornograhy’s Grip on My Husband

March 28, 2009
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Married To a Sex Addict

Not all men who like to view pornography are sex addicts.  But as I learned more about sexual addiction, I learned that Jeff demonstrated all the characteristics of an addict.

He would turn to pornography when he felt lonely or unloved.  It made him feel, although only briefly, like someone important.

He felt guilty about using pornography and frequently vowed this would be the last time.  But he would always find his way back to an x-rated site.

There were times when he planned his day around his pornography use.

There were times when he masturbated several times a day.

When he quit using pornography, he experienced withdrawal.

During counseling, Jeff and I discussed his “triggers” or times when he was more likely to seek out porn.  Like most men, Jeff was more likely to use pornography when he felt stressed, lonely, unloved or tired.  Now that Jeff knew his triggers, his counselor challenged him to come up with a plan of action to turn to when he was tempted to act out. 

As Jeff’s partner in restoration, I helped out by identifying and reducing temptations in our home.  Jeff shared with me a list of things in our home that he found tempting – from lingerie ads in the Sunday paper to models in my women’s magazines.  As I began to flip through and toss out these items – I began to realize how much my husband was bombarded by sexual images in our own home.  We set the rating limit on our television to PG. I monitored the laptop, which could only be accessed with my password. We purchased a filter for our DVD player.

We didn’t put our hope in these boundaries.  We knew that ultimately Jeff would need to deal with the roots of his addiction, where Jesus could provide deep healing. But these roadblocks played, and continue to play, an important role in maintaining a healthy home environment that promotes sexual purity. 

2 Comments
  1. April 3, 2009 1:33 pm

    Marsha, I applaud you and Jeff for walking through this journey together. I know you are still on the upside of the learning curve, but your words ring with the wisdom of one who experienced deep change. You have allowed such horrible events to drive you more deeply into Jesus and because of that, I believe God will bless the desires of your hearts to glorify him through it all!!

    You Rock!! …and so do you Jeff …I look forward to meeting you!

    Your hungry brother – Jim

  2. April 3, 2009 3:54 pm

    Thanks for putting this blog up. I love that you are both working through these issues and making that process available to the world. I have a ton of resources I’d love to share with you. If you are interested in talking, please email me.

    Finding the triggers is one crucial area that needs to be explored when fighting this temptation. It’s a part of the whole cycle of addiction.

    http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/12/09/breaking-the-cycle-of-porn-addiction/

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