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God, I Don’t Want to Give This Up!

April 12, 2009

** I got the thought for this blog after listening to a sermon called “Heart Surrender” from the Pure Life Ministries website (www.purelifeministries.org). 

mexican-wrestling-91There are several times during recovery, that I had to give something up.  In order for me to go to the next level, something had to go.  And I could not grow anymore until that “something” was gone. 

That something was usually a habit, like masturbation or flipping through the Sunday newspaper ads.  Other times it was some form of entertainment that I really enjoyed…freely surfing the Internet, renting whatever movies I wanted to, or even flipping through magazines on the rack.  Other times it was more sophisticated things like a lie I’ve believed or a way of thinking.  But I’m thinking primarily now of my habits, behaviors and ways I entertained myself. 

It’s amazing how much I fought against these things, and still fight them today.    Even though I knew these behaviors were wrong, or agreed with my accountability partner about giving them up, I fought them. 

I also had this strong feeling that they were my “freedoms”.  I have the right to do whatever I want.  This is my life.  I can do whatever I want.  Nobody can tell me what to do.  Aren’t these my liberties, even in Christ?  Having to give something up that is my “right” makes me REALLY ANGRY.  I feel like God is TAKING MY THINGS away!

In my reflections today, I am asking myself three questions: 

1.       Are these really freedoms? – Sounds more like bondage to me.  I think something like the Internet is a freedom for me, but I can’t seem to be able to give it up.  I am addicted to it.  I really am co-dependent to this form of entertainment.  Is that freedom or bondage?

 

2.      Are they really “my” things? – Very simply, “yes” they are.  They often are my things, and not God’s.  I can be so deceived to think that something I like so much is part of God’s blessing in my life.  Vegging in front of my Hi Def TV watching movies.  Getting lost in my I-Pod.  Hanging out with my friends, wherever I want.   But too often, God’s not having much to do with this choice.  My choices are guided by me and my buddy, “Mr. Flesh”.

 

3.      Do you believe God has something better in mind for you?  — If I’m supposed to give something up, it’s got to mean that God has something better for me.  Sometimes it’s a better devotion or routine.  Other times it’s trading wrong for right.  NOW, it really becomes a question of faith.  Do I trust that God is going to make my life better?  Do I trust that God’s way is the best?  Or do I just believe that God is a “Cosmic Kill-Joy”, out to make my life less fun?

 

God, help me to trust that You have my best in mind when I need to give something up.

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