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What Does “True” Accountability Look Like?

April 14, 2009

One of the key elements in a person’s recovery has to be ACCOUNTABILITY.  This should not be optional, or only for the people who have “serious” problems.  We all need accountability, and especially those recovering from sexual sin.

 

I have had some good accountability relationships before and some bad ones.  Here are some key elements I think make up a true accountability:band_of_brother3

 

1.  Atmosphere of Encouragement, Care and Grace – For you to feel comfortable sharing, you need a place where people care about you, love you, cheer for you, hurt with you, extend God’s grace and mercy.  Be proactive in creating this in your accountability relationship.  You might need to have a frank talk with your friend (s) to make sure that this is setup.

 

2.  Agree on a Set of Questions – You need to be asking some sort of questions of one another.  Your questions could be the same, but you probably need to be asked at least a few unique questions.  Write these questions up.  Give them to each other.  Tweak them.  Refine them along the way.

 

3.  Real Truth Must Be Shared – You will only get out what you put into your accountability relationship.  If you choose to hide stuff in your life, you will not grow in that area, and you will not have an open, honest relationship.  Be truthful!  Practice truth!  You are better off telling the truth and working on it together, than your friend finding out later that you hid something.  That can be a relationship and trust killer.

 

4.  Set a Time and Stick to It (Commitment) – Be committed to one another.  Take it seriously.  If you’re going to meet for coffee every week, do it.  If it’s a phone call twice a week, stick with it.  My accountability friend and I talk twice a week.  If one of us doesn’t call, the other will, and usually ask, “How come you didn’t call?” 

 

5.  Push Each Other to Be Better – You need to go beyond a set of questions.  Accountability is not maintenance.  It’s supposed to be “spurring one another on toward love and good deeds”. 

 

6.  Use All Your “LifeLines” – This is an old reference to “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”.

 

Phone-a-Friend – Use it frequently.  Talk more than once a week.  That’s what all of your cell phone minutes are for! 

 

Ask-the-Audience – Bounce your stuff off of many people, counselors, friends, pastors.  Why not be a part of an accountability group, instead of just a single relationship?  Have a group of men or women hovering around your life and knowing you. 

 

50-50 – (I’m not sure about this one, but maybe you can figure out a creative analogy to fit).

 

The point is that you need to see your relationships as a vital part of your life.  You need good friends, good relationship, good accountability.  You need to lean on them and be a part of each other’s lives. 

 

 

You may not have all of these elements in your relationships right now.  But these are things you should strive for.  God will help you find people in your church, or a small group, or support group to help you have good accountability.

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