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Terms You Learn in Sexual Recovery – pt. 4

May 30, 2009

This week, I want to introduce you to terms that are frequently used in sexual recovery groups.  They have been important for me to understand, and have helped me examine my own life.

stoplightRED LIGHT behavior is the same thing as acting out and crossing a bottom line.

YELLOW LIGHT behavior is when you are playing in an area of temptation.  Surfing the web looking for pictures.  Flipping through a magazine, just to see.  Walking past a girl’s cubicle at work to see if she’s there, or what she’s wearing. 

Yellow lights are full of intent problems.  What was your intent when you were behaving?  Did you consciously seek out something?  Did you deep down hope to find an image?

In recovery, yellow lights need to be treated like bottom lines.  Your intent to see something shows the selfishness and sinfulness of your heart.  To God, it’s no different than crossing a bottom line.  Having a heart full of adulterous thoughts is no different to God than commiting adultery. 

Yellow lights indicate a heart problem. 

recoveryEvery sexual recovery group has a time where people share their stories.  We usually did it when there was a new guy in the group.  We went around the circle during our check in time and told our story.

Recovery stories are sometimes treated as a special segments to groups.  They are testimonials, and are meant for encouragement for the rest of the guys. 

Your story is important.  Telling your story is important.  It helps us learn to be open and honest.  It helps us be comfortable with terms that are not normally spoken in public.  Telling our story helps us have the courage to bring things to the light that we have hidden.

I always benefit from hearing other people’s stories.  I always seem to see myself in their stories.  I am reminded of where I came from, where I am, and where I need to be going.  It’s encouraging to hear from guys that have been in recovery longer than me and have been successful.  They have good advice and tips. 

big_eyesI had not heard or thought about objectifying women until I came to group.  Objectifying women is looking at women as objects.  It is treating them as less than human.  It is a selfish behavior that we have been conditioned to do.  Since guys are so visual and driven by lust, it is easy to objectify women.

Men in recovery are working on this.  It may not be their primary bottom line, but it becomes one of those things that they must work on in their journey for purity. 

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:


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