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Being a One-Woman Man

July 16, 2009

(1 Timothy 3:2 & Titus 1:6)
A worship leader must be a “one-woman man.” He must maintain integrity in relationships with the opposite sex and go to great lengths to protect himself from sin. This man must have a godly, growing, and strong marriage. He must not be addicted to pornography or have wandering eyes. He is a great lover, friend, and leader for his wife, who honors him in public and in private. He must provide for her financially and lead her spiritually as a testimony of the gospel (1 Tim 5:8). If he is single and not called to celibacy, he must be working toward marriage by growing personally, spiritually, and emotionally.

 The above section came from a blog posting on the “Qualifications of a Worship Pastor” written by Barry Keldie and Matt Boswell (




I was heavily involved in ministry when my porn addiction escalated.  One of the things I have tried to avoid believing was that what I was doing somehow disqualified me from ministry.  I sincerely thought that my sin was a “weakness” and it didn’t make sense to me that I should be knocked out of ministry. 

 I have since then realized the gravity of my sinfulness.  I realize that I was in bondage to sexual addiction and that it was not the Lord controlling me, but my fleshly lusts. 

I also can see now that I fell out of qualification for pastor/elder when it comes to “Husband of One Wife”.  Even though I did not physically commit A.,  I had long been bonding with women from pictures, images, Internet.  I was committing adultery in my heart over and over again.  My sins were firstly, against God.  Then secondly against my wife.  Then thirdly, against my own body. 

 I was not fit for ministry with either the bondage, or the adultery. 


I’m not sure the point here is, at what point does porn and lust disqualify someone from ministry.  That can be talked about another time, or debated on a forum.  But at some point, my dedication and devotion was not to God or my wife, but to these strange beauties.   

I deserved to be taken out of ministry.  It was the just, and loving hand of God working this out.  Others could see the truth on this issue long before I could see it.   

My other issue question with this is, “Does this disqualify me permanently?”  I don’t think so.  It doesn’t mean I can walk back into the pulpit after a prayer of confession.  I needed some drastic surgery in my life.  I needed a deep work to take place to put my adultery back on the cross.  I needed to learn how to be healthy sexually, have true intimacy with my wife, seek renewal in my devotion to the Lord. 

 To some, I am already disqualified from ministry.  I might as well be wearing a “P” on my shirt.  The condemnation and judgment is over.  I don’t believe this is God’s summation, nor do my mentors.  I believe that my recovery has made me stronger, more whole, and able to be a better minister than ever before. 




One Comment
  1. Adam permalink
    July 22, 2009 2:50 pm

    Nice story! Good luck on your road to recovery.

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