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Going to Counseling For the First Time – Fears and Truths

July 29, 2009

I wanted to share some of the thoughts and fears I had the first time I went to counseling.

I wasn’t forced to go to counseling. I wanted to go. I had confessed to my wife my struggles with pornographyGoing to counseling seemed like the natural “next step” for me to get help for my problem.

I did go to counseling, but not without a handful of fears.  Counseling can be a scary thing. It’s a huge step for people to step into a counseling office. Hopefully, sharing my initial fears will help you. I have also written down some truths that extinguish these fears.

Here are some of my fears followed by the truths I experienced:

counselingI THOUGHT COUNSELING WAS FOR THE “REALLY MESSED UP” PEOPLE – I viewed myself as strong. I felt I was OK, but just had a weakness

Truth – Real people go to counseling. We are all “messed up” in a sense. The people who really have problems are the ones who don’t think they have any problems.

Counseling2I WAS NOT BIG ON TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS – I am not a feely, touchy guy. I didn’t want to be all mushy in counseling.

Truth – Most of my counselors would say, “No problem.” Talk about your goals. Talk about your story. You don’t have to be something you’re not. Just be who you are and we’ll go from there.

I WAS AFRAID THE COUNSELOR WOULD MESS ME UP. PSYCHO ANALYZE ME.

Truth – My counselors mostly listen. They ask questions. They are skilled in knowing where to probe and prick, but only if that’s comfortable for me. I’ve not met a counselor yet who was out to impose his own stuff on me.

counseling3I WAS AFRAID THE COUNSELOR WOULD TELL ME TO LEAVE THE MINISTRY OR TAKE A MORE EXTREME ROUTE

Truth – This fear is more about me than my counselor. I wanted to keep my job. I wanted to fix my problems privately. Sometimes this is possible. But I realized that my private behaviors had already started affecting my public life. The counselor can only make recommendations of what to do. He can’t make me take any radical steps that I’m not prepared to take myself.

I WAS AFRAID OF WHAT MIGHT REALLY BE WRONG WITH ME – I thought something might be wrong with my background or my upbringing and I didn’t want to know about it. I didn’t want to be labeled as a bad person. I wanted to be a person who had it together.

Truth – This was my pride. Really, everyone has “junk” in their lives. Things are wrong with all of us. Our backgrounds, families, experiences, and emotional makeup all contribute to who we are. So what if I ended up having a bad background. So do most people.

I WAS AFRAID OF GIVING UP CONTROL – I wasn’t feeling this at the time, but I later discovered this fear. I like to feel like I’m in control and that I can control my behavior.

Truth – This is pride again. There are plenty of things in my life that I can’t control. I have to learn to seek God for these things and seek the help of others (including counselors).

 

 WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Q:  Have you been to counseling before?  What was it like?
Q:  What were your fears about counseling?  Was this what happened?

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2 Comments
  1. Bokep 3gp permalink
    July 30, 2009 2:19 am

    Nice info, useful for my job… thanks for share, keep posting… 🙂

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