Skip to content

Jeff’s First Time Going to a Support Group

August 7, 2009

In a previous blog I shared “Going to Counseling For the First Time – Fears and Truths” . This time I wanted to share some of the thoughts and fears I had the first time I went to my sexual support group.

Here are some of my fears followed by the truths I experienced:

weirdoI THOUGHT THE GROUP WOULD BE MADE OF PERVERTS AND WEIRDOS

Truth – Group is full of average guys that look just like me. They have very similar stories and backgrounds. Some are more extreme, some are less extreme.

 

I FELT LIKE I WAS TURNING A MAJOR CORNER BY STEPPING INTO A GROUP

Truth – Group is a big step for any person, but it is not extreme or rare. People go to groups all the time. Many people recognize the need in their lives for support groups. Everybody has junk. We are not as in control of our lives as we think we are.

 

IT COMMITED ME TO A NEW LEVEL OF RISK

Truth – Group is a new risk. It is a set of new relationships that you will have to learn to build trust with.

 

 

IT MEANT I HAD TO SHARE MY STORY WITH OTHERS – I was not used to sharing my story. I was so fearful of what people would think. Would they judge me? Would they think I was sick or messed up? Would I fit in?

Truth – Sharing your story is a very important step to getting better.

** In our recovery group, a person is allowed to just sit and listen. He is not forced to say anything. During my first group, I just listened. Even though these guys were telling my story, I waited until the next week to share.

 

Blues

I THOUGHT BECAUSE I WAS A MINISTER, PEOPLE WOULD LOOK DOWN ON ME

Truth – The guys in my group were actually encouraged to hear a minister sharing his struggles. The guys in Group know that most guys struggle on some level with pornography – ministers included. Many just do not want to admit they need help. Sometimes we could talk on different levels because I was a minister sharing my struggles.

 

 

GETTING THE COURAGE TO GO TO GROUP

· I knew I needed something more.

· My efforts were not enough.

· I had heard how good groups could be.

· I figured I would go once and give it a try. I didn’t have to go back unless I wanted to.

· It would be over in 2 hours.

· I might find it really helpful.


THE GROUPS I GO TO
The support group started with meets in a large church in Raliegh, NC. It is a Faithful and True group that follows a loose 12-step format. We use Mark Laaser’s material as well as other books. It is made up of a base of about 20 guys. On any given Wednesday we average 10 guys. Many of the guys come each week. Others come every other week, or less frequent. Some of our guys have been in recovery for many years and come to stay focused and help other guys. Other guys are brand new, and just starting to share their junk for the first time.

After a year, I found a very similar group closer to my house that met on Saturdays. It is similar to my first group. We meet in a church. We have 3-5 guys each week. It is more intimate and we’re able to take more time sharing and encouraging each other.

On a future blog I’ll share the more about the format of our group and of other groups.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: