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How To Be Sexually Pure in Only 30 Days?

August 10, 2009



Wow! If I could only promise that, it would be quite a venture!

Is there a way to be sexually pure in 30 days? No, way! You can’t just wake up one day, stop it, and be cured. There is no microwave version. No shortcuts. Getting to sexually purity will take time.


  1. A commitment to the process – definitely from the person with the sexual sin, but eventually from the spouse
  2. A repentant heart – repent means to change your behavior; a U-turn
  3. Stopping old behaviors – not as easy as it sounds
  4. Starting new behaviors – it takes time to develop healthy outlets and behaviors and get used to them
  5. Dealing with the issues of the heart – the undercurrent of emotions, wounds, unmet needs, hurts
  6. Working on healthy relationships – rebuilding trust, asking forgiveness, offering forgiveness, intimacy
  7. Spending time with wise people – counselors, good books, mentors, ministers, support groups, accountability friends
  8. Spending time with God – He’s the only one that can work on your insides and give you the power to make it through


My wife and I have been in recovery for the last two years. That may seem like a long time, but it’s really just the beginning. I started to think about how many hours we must have spent working on my stuff, her stuff, our stuff, thinking about stuff, talking to people about stuff. I won’t bore you with my complete spreadsheet, but here are some of the parts I considered:

  • Jeff in counseling
  • Marsha in counseling
  • Both of us in counseling together
  • Jeff talking to accountability partner
  • Jeff in support group
  • Marsha in support group
  • Reading books
  • Listening to podcasts
  • Journaling
  • Meetings with pastors and mentors
  • Jeff & Marsha having deep talks together

A conservative estimate for our first 2 years clocked in at 1640 hours!

That’s a lot of time. The bottom line is: if you want to be sexually pure and want God to heal your marriage, it’s going to take TIME!


Even if you put a lot of hours in, there’s still the law of the long haul.

There are ebbs & flows in recovery. Over the long haul, if you stay committed, you’ll get better.

The long haul is something we’re just starting to experience. We have been very intense. We have had a lot of victories, with some set backs. Now we have to let it mature. We have to get used to the new norm. We have been different people for the last 12 years, now we have to get used to being new.


Don’t be too disappointed that you can’t take a magic pill and be sexually pure. It seems like the best things take the most time to develop in us. The way of purity is the best road. It is God’s way. It is the way of truth and life. The process is an important part of what God needs us to experience on our way to purity, recovery, and restoration.

You can email us privately at or leave a blog comment. We want to be an encouragement to you during this process.

  1. Tristan permalink
    August 16, 2009 11:56 am

    Thanks for this post! It’s really helped me a lot. I’ve been having lots of problems with my girlfriend recently because she found out about my addiction. But I know there’s heaps of guys out there probably going through the same thing, it just takes time getting pure. Not sure if I could do it in 30 days though!

    • August 16, 2009 2:20 pm

      Thanks Tristan!

      You’re right, it takes time to heal from our layers of hurts and addiction. Make sure to find someone you can talk to who understands addiction (counsellor, minister, support group…). We can’t have any secrets and expect to heal.

      Thanks for being being a part of the P2P community!

      Jeff & Marsha

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