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How to Deal With Fetishes

August 24, 2009

The word “fetish” comes loaded, doesn’t it?  Yet there are many guys and girls that deal struggle with them in their sexual recovery. 

WHAT IS A FETISH?
A fetish develops when something tangible becomes sexualized and is used for arousal and sexual purposes.  Fetishes can develop around objects, routines, body parts, articles of clothing, certain types of people… almost anything can become sexualized.

A fetish is one more dimension of our sexual addiction that can develop.  Fetishes are triggery.  Fetishes must be talked about and dealt with in the recovery process. 

 

secretWHO TALKS ABOUT FETISHES?
When was the last time you hear someone outside the college dorm room or skanky movie talk about a fetish?  Unfortunately, many support groups do not even talk about fetishes.  It’s kind of a taboo subject.  To some its a more perverted type of sexual addiction.  Yet many struggle with fetishes. 

 

JEFF’S STORY
At a young age, I developed a fetish around a certain article of clothing.  It was an innocent exploration that turned into a shameful secret and eventually became part of my sexual addiction.  I have gotten help through counselors, accountability partners, and good mentors. 

Below are a few thoughts to get you help with the fetish healing process:
 

1.  WHAT ARE THE ROOTS?
 Every fetish has roots.  When did you get introduced to this?  When did it begin?  How did the fascination or arousal grow? 

For some it might have been something innocent that turned sexual.  For others it was some type of experimentation or curiosity that became a habit. 

 

2.  HOW HAVE YOU SEXUALIZED THE OBJECT?
At some point the object

  • Aroused you. 
  • You masturbated with it. 
  • You bonded with it. 
  • You incorporated the object into your addictive cycle

Another question to ask yourself is :  What purpose does it serve?  What need are you trying to meet with the fetish?  For many it’s a need for genuine relationships, or validation, or acceptance.   

 

3.  CUT OFF THE SOURCE
You have to do what you can to cut this out of your life.  You have to cut off the things that you can control  You can’t control what someone wears in a public place, but you can control whether or not you touch it or not.  You can control what you go into a store to buy, or click on the Internet to watch.   

 

 

4.  SHARE YOUR FETISH WITH SOMEONE SAFE
You have to get the secret out.  Share it with someone.  Counselors are a great place to start.  They have expertise and can work with you one it.  You might be able to share with your support group or a close friend. 

Getting the secret into the light is critical to finding healing from a fetish. 

 

5.  BUILD SOME ACCOUNTABILITY AROUND THIS TRIGGER
 Since a fetish is a trigger, you will need to get some accountability on this.  Cutting the flow.  Talking about it.  And adding some accountability between you and this behavior. 


6.  SURRENDER THE FETISH TO GOD
A fetish is one of the many things we are powerless to deal with.  It has roots in our heart.  That’s God’s territory.  Talk to Him about your struggles.  Come to your end and surrender it over to Him in prayer.  Tell Him you’re powerless to deal with this and ask Him for His power and guidance.  It really works!

 

 

WHAT ELSE DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HEALING FROM FETISHES?
I would love to hear some chatter about this.  What books, articles, podcasts, or sites have you ran across that talk about fetishes?

You can email me privately at porntopurity@gmail.com or leave a comment on the blog.

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