Skip to content

How to Tell Your Spouse About Your Sexual Addiction – Part 2

September 2, 2009

On (yesterday’s blog) we shared 6 tips that will help you tell your spouse about your sexual addiction. Today we want  to share 5 more tips and offer some encouragement and prayer support.



7.  BE PREPARED FOR SOME LASH OUT – Some spouses have a strong to the news. That is why it might be good to share the news in a counselor’s office or have a close, trusted friend close. Talk to your counselor first about what would be the best strategy.




8.  NO MARRIAGE IS HOPELESS – If both spouses stay committed to the recovery process and allow God to be a part of the recovery, we don’t believe any marriage is hopeless. We have seen and read about many marriages recovering and coming out stronger.

The reality is that every marriage has problems. Every person in a marriage has problems. But most marriages don’t deal with the problems in healthy ways. Sometimes getting healthy means a lot of work, counseling time, and pain. But if you are committed to your marriage, you need to exhaust yourself in your efforts to work on it. You need to cry out to God for His strong power and help. You can do it.


subway_line9.  GIVE YOUR SPOUSE SOME SPACE – Spouses need space when they have heard shocking news. Asking your spouse if he/she needs some space is helpful? Asking, “How can I help you right now?” might be good also. But don’t expect a resolution to happen in a night, a week, or a month.



to-tell-the-truth10. ANSWER QUESTIONS TRUTHFULLY – We have already encouraged you to Be Committed to the Truth. Answer the questions you are asked. Different spouses want to know different things. Some want to know the details. Others don’t. You need to be truthful with your spouse and your spouse deserves whatever answers will help them process and work through this.


water-hands11.  BE PREPARED TO LEAD YOUR FAMILY INTO THE RECOVERY PROCESS – Hopefully, you’ve already begun your recovery process. You being serious about your recovery will speak volumes. It is not your spouse’s job to chart the recovery process, it’s yours. So have a plan in place. Get serious help.

We have found that addicts (including Jeff) are worse off than they think. They have been deceived to think that they are really OK. A professional counselor and a support group will provide some objective feedback for you to assess where you are.

Focus hard on recovery. Spend the money, it’s worth it! Spend the time, it’s worth it!


This all looks so hard.  You might be saying, “Why even bother sharing?”

Not sharing seems to be the easy road. It seems to be the painless way. It may even seem better to just keep lying. But these are all LIES!

CommitmentLying, deceiving, keeping secrets, leading a double life – these are all incredibly destructive to marriage. You will not be able to find intimacy. You will not be able to hear from God. And we believe that your secrets will eventually come out. Healthy sexuality and purity can not be achieved either when we are lying to ourselves and others.


If you are thinking about sharing with your spouse or preparing for it, let us know so we can be praying for you. Our email is private. We will not share your information or your story. And many people have emailed us to share their stories and the difficult circumstances they are going through.

We hope we can be a safe place for you and an encouragement. And we will pray for you.


As we have said many times, Jeff and Marsha are not licensed counselors. These are our thoughts and things we are learning from others on this matter. We recommend you discuss this topic with a professional counselor or minister.


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: