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Have THE Talk

September 6, 2009

I want to encourage two groups right now:

1.  Couples engaged to be married
2.  Couples that have never been very open about their sexual pasts   & struggles

I want to challenge you to have THE TALK.  Couples need to learn as soon as possible to be open with one another about sexual things. 

When Marsha and I were engaged we talked about a lot of things, including sex… or so we thought.  We had talks about boyfriends, girlfriends and our fears about marriage and sex.  We even talked about saving ourselves sexual for each other.  But I didn’t think it was important for me to talk to her about my lust, masturbation, and exposure to porn. 

I think there were a few reasons I didn’t talk to Marsha about my sexual junk:

I felt that marriage would cure my masturbation.  I can get all the sex I want in marriage, right!?
I thought my lust and fantasy life were more “adolescent habits” that I had not outgrown yet.
I thought my self-gratification was just a weakness, and didn’t recognize it as bondage.
I was worried revealing this would make Marsha think less of me.

On some of these things, I just didn’t know the power of my habits.  On others, I was more concerned about my image than I was sharing with my wife.  Sure, it would have been hard to share at the time, but what if sharing would have prevented me from having the problems with lust and porn I’ve had for the last 12 years? 

I wasn’t nearly as strong as I thought I was, and my lust ended up costing me my job, my ministry, and could have cost me my family. 

Q:  Did you have THE talk with your wife or girlfriend?
Q:  What fears do you have about sharing?
Q:  Is it worth it?

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