Skip to content

Six Essentials For Someone New to Sexual Recovery

September 7, 2009

Many who are finding our blog have just started their work on their sexual recovery. We have answered many emails from women whose husbands have just revealed his secrets, and men who have just started working on their stuff.

Here is some encouragement and some important helps for those new to sexual recovery:

band_of_brotherREALIZE YOU’RE NOT ALONE – Men, women, single or married. You probably think you are the only one dealing with these problems. Not true! The majority of us are dealing with some sort of sexual issue. But nobody seems to talk about it. Our parent, our churches, our friends…. We don’t hear about these type of private stuggles except in gossipy, hush-hush ways.

Good news! You found this blog. There are counselors, and groups and people just like you who are working on these problems!


water-handsREACH OUT IN SEVERAL DIRECTIONS – More than ever, you need a support system. You need someone to talk to. The instinct is to keep it quiet and try to manage it yourself. But that never works. God’s healing plan is though others.

Find someone you can talk to: a counselor, minister, trusted friend, support group, family member… Reach out in many directions. Not everyone will help. Some will just pray for you. Some will ignore you. But some people out there understand us “broken world” people, and they will be the friends you need to get through this.


cry_outTALK TO GOD IN A DIFFERENT WAY – I assume that you have prayed before and tried to make some sort of connection with God. People in sexual recovery are usually quite spiritual. They’ve tried talking to God, asking Him to take their junk away, asking Him to remove the guilt and consequences.

It’s time to learn to pray differently. Real sexual recovery praying is humble. It is broken. It comes to God powerless, begging for His power and grace. It doesn’t demand Him to get you out of a mess.

When I was confronted with the depth of my sin, I was wounded deeply and prayed like never before out of a broken heart.


FIND SOME SKILLED HANDS WHO CAN HELP YOU WITH THE DEEPER STUFF – If your new, it’s crisis management. It’s triage. But the real road to healing will come when you start working on the roots of why you committed adultery, look at porn, go to chatrooms, masturbation.  There are root causes that only skilled hands will be able to help you with. A counselor, a minister, another person who has been through what you’re going through.

Go find them. Spend the time. Spend the money. It’s woCB047262rth it!


GET SOME STRUCTURE AND ACCOUNTABILITY – When our lives break, we need some supports strengthen us. We need some structure to hold us up. Structure is internal and external.


REALIZE IT’S NOT HOPELESS – No situation is hopeless. No marriage. No lost job. No life. There are so many that have gone through the things you’re going through. There are many that have gone through WORSE, and come through it. We believe that hope can only come from God’s Spirit. With this blog we are already praying for you that God will give you hope and help you see His light in your dark situation.


Our sister podcast, The 104 podcast: Top Tips For Sexual Purity has a great episode called “Identify the Trigers in Your Life”.  It is packed with some really good helps for the beginner.   CLICK HERE TO LISTEN



Q: Do you have someone to talk to? To share your story with?

Q: Have you just started this stuff and don’t know where else to turn?

You can reach us through our blog comment section or through our private email address:

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: