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How Would You Define Sobriety?

September 16, 2009

** I’ve had discussions with several in recovery around the questions:

“How do you know you’re healed from sexual addiction?”

“What does sobriety look like?”

“What’s the goal of sexaul recovery?”

Sobriety means different things to different people. On a basic level, being sober means “not acting out sexually.”  It means not crossing any of the bottom lines you have determined.


Sobriety (simple version)plant
1. Stop getting worse

2. Stopping your bottom line behaviors

3. Maintaining or getting better. Could involve going to a support group or counselor.



I was blown away when my counselor wanted me to start working on healing from my anger, wounds, hurts and unmet needs. He opened my eyes to the deeper layers of healing and recovery.

On a deeper level, sobriety shoots for a bit more. The goal in sexual recovery is to develop a healthy sexuality that honors God. To do that, I need a heart change. That’s God territory. And that level of sobriety needs a good support structure. Deeper sobriety is stopping the behaviors, but it is also creates and maintaining a healthy structure and support system.


A Sober Lifestyle (goes much deeper)
1. Stop getting worse

holistic2. Getting structure (accountability, roadblocks, cutting things out) around the things that are out of control of your life

3. Stopping your bottom line behaviors

4. Finding healthy outlets for your creativity, energies, passions, masculinity (or femininity)

5. Finding healing from the wounds and hurts you have

6. Making amends to the people you have hurt


Q: How would you define sobriety?

Q: How long have you been sober? How did you get there?

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