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Why We Lie to Others

September 30, 2009

Proverbs 19:9 “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will perish.”

I was thinking about my lying this morning.

The ways I have lied in the past. The ways I have covered my sexual addiction. Lying to my wife, my friends, my church, my mentors… even my counselor about the truth.

PROTECTING THE SECRET – When we are getting deeper into our addictive behaviors, we do whatever it takes to cover up our secrets. We isolate ourselves and others. We become less social. We lose touch. Along the way, we have to start lying to protect ourselves and our secret.


WE THINK IT’S BETTER TO LIE – We really do convince ourselves that lying is the better way to go. If we tell the truth, it will stir everything up. It will hurt others. It will hurt our wife and kids. We may lose our job. It just seems better to lie.


WE ARE TRYING TO KEEP PEOPLE OUT OF OUR BUSINESS – We think that our secret is our business. It’s private. It doesn’t affect anybody else. The pictures don’t hurt anyone. The other person wanted to have s…..


WE WANT OTHERS TO BELIEVE WE’RE OK – We lie because we are afraid of what others will think. They will think I’m not normal, not a Christian, not a good man, a pervert.


WE BELIEVE IF WE TELL THE TRUTH WE WILL GET PUNISHED – We have learned from childhood that telling the truth about something we did wrong will get us into more trouble than lying. We seem to be punished more for admitting mistakes, rather than for covering them up.


WE BELIEVE OUR PROBLEM WILL EVENTUALLY GO AWAY – So why bother? Why take the time to share the truth? We can deal with our own problems. We can work a little harder on it and fix it. We are not out of control. This is another variation of wanting people to stay out of our business.

Each of these reasons are lies themselves.


At first, our secret is easily contained. As an addiction grows it affects other parts of our lives: work, relationships, performance. We get deeper, and soon have more to cover up.

  • Eventually, we will slip.
  • Eventually, we will be caught in our lies.
  • Eventually, we will become careless or callous.
  • Eventually, God will expose us.



  • Think about why each of these reasons is a lie.
  • What is the truth about each one?
  • Why is it better for you to be a person who tells the truth?

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