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Do-It Yourself Sexual Recovery?

October 2, 2009
How to Repair or Replace a Damaged Mailbox Post

Freebie: Click on the picture for instructions on "How to Replace Your Mailbox Post"

I’ve been making some improvements to our house recently, and noticed that my mailbox post was a little haggard looking. It looked like a job I could do myself. I think the site I went to was This Old and printed of some instructions on “How to Replace a Mailbox Post” Do it yourself.

Does DIY sexual recovery work?

Can I do it on my own and be OK?

Can I dig out of everything without others having to know?

A lot of people struggling with sexual sin want to go DIY. Trying to manage their problems and struggles solo, being more spiritual, disciplining themselves. Maybe even signing up for an online recovery program like Setting Captives Free or Candeo



We Like To Be in Control – We are self-sufficient. Independent. We want to be in control. We are also prideful. We can’t stand the thought of going to a counselor or support group. It’s a sign of weakness. We really think we can handle our lives by ourselves.

We Hate Asking For Help – Asking for help means we are powerless. Weak. Our pride keeps us from admitting that.

We Don’t Want Others To Know Our Secrets – We want to keep others out of our business. We don’t want to be embarrassed or condemned, so we force ourselves to go DIY. We close ourselves off to every type of help. If we do tell someone, we always want to contain it.



We Have Tried and Failed Many Times – Here’s the thing we need to think about. DIY doesn’t work for a lot of people. They have tried. We try self-disciple. We try books. We may even try counselors. But it keeps getting worse.

Our habits are learned behaviors. The brain chemicals are begging for another addictive fix. Sex is comforting. Medicative. Escapism. And we don’t want to get rid of it. We can’t get rid of it on our own

We Really Do Need Help – Our behaviors are usually not minor and dabbling. We are entrenched. We are addicted. In bondage. We have no power on our own to dig out of the cycle and the problems sexual addiction causes.

We Are Not Serious Enough to Finish a DIY Effort – It’s easy to start a program or a book or a journal. But things get hard when the withdrawals start happening. When stress gets high. When our emotional needs are great.



Online Programs, Workbooks and Materials – These are good places to start. Some of the online resources even have coaches to help you. But it’s really hard to stay motivated without a community of people.

Some Parts Of Recovery Need To Become D.I.Y. – During the early part of recovery, you need lots of help, mentors, support, and accountability. They will help you find a strategy and structure. They will also help you with the withdrawals and the hard patches. Gradually, you will be able to do some things on your own again. You might be able to go on your computer at work and be OK. You can go to the beach, rent a movie, or watch a TV show and not get triggered.

DIY is our ability to self-monitor, self-discipline, and maintain boundaries.

I did a pretty good job of replacing my mailbox post, by the way. I’m free next weekend if you need a handyman!

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