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Just the Pretty Girls

November 12, 2009


I’ve noticed that I give special attention to the pretty girls, and less attention to others. 

My counselor and I have been working on this.  Favoring the pretty girls falls under the category of objectifying women.  We “objectify” women when look at them as objects.  We see them for our own selfish purposes, enticement, arousal, or fantasies.  I can be looking at them on the Internet, in porn mags, or ogling them in public places. 

For years I have built and enforced this pattern of objectifying women.  I look at the pretty ones.  I am enticed by the ones who dress in provocative ways.  There are certain body types and clothing types that are triggery for me.  The flirty ones and the outgoing ones generally catch my attention. 

I know I’m not alone.  Most men are right here with me.  The guys in my support group share my common struggle.  Most of the men in our world objectify women. 

The problem is not the act of ogling a woman, but of not valuing her.  I put different value on pretty girls, and less value on others.  I give more attention to the ones that catch my eye.  I have been known to pursue the pretty ones and avoid the others. 

 My counselor threw this question at me:  How did Jesus respond to women?

 Answer:  He valued women.  He ministered to them… the good, bad & ugly.  He associated with all types.  He loved people without reservation or qualification. 

That’s my goal as a man of God!  That’s what I need to shoot for in my sexual purity!


Surrender this area over to God – A deep, regular calling out to God.  Give it over to God.

Look at yourself – Do an examination of your own behaviors.  Take an inventory.  Consider how you treat women and look at them.

Look at God’s grace to all – Christ was the ultimate example of love.  His standards are high.  He models the way we need to think. 

Pretty people have problems – We imagine that they don’t.  Our fantasies kick in and we think that pretty people are perfect people and would be the perfect companion, or fantasy girl.  We really don’t know the person.

Unpretty people have great characterisitics – We imagine that they don’t.  Again our imaginations distort what the person is really like.  We really don’t know the person. 

You need a mantra – Call it “self-talk” if you want.  But you need to come up with something to say to yourself when you start to objectify a woman.  Something to intercept your lustful, fantasy thoughts.  

  • “That’s a real person”         (This one works for me.) 
  • “Cherish your wife.”            (This one works for a friend of mine.)
  • “She’s somebody’s daughter.”
  • “She’s a child of God.”



This is a huge topic and a big one in sexual recovery and sexual purity.  This is right where I am at with my struggles.  Valuing women equally.   I’ll be working on more blogs on the different aspects of objectifying women.

 I’d love to hear your thoughts.   

What does this blog make you think about? 

How is this helpful? 

What would you add?

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