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How to Take a Permanent Breather From Objectifying Women

November 16, 2009

eye1Guys who are working on sexual purity and sexual addiction recovery are glad for the Fall and the Winter. 

Why?  Because girls cover themselves up more.  Less short shorts.  Less skin showing.  Less low cut shirts.  Less temptation.  The colder months are less triggery for guys.  It’s like a breather. 

Enjoy the break, but let’s work on getting better!  Work on some things that will help you be stronger when the warmer months come. 

DEAL WITH THE THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL
There are a lot things you have control of in your quest for purity.  You can control the places you go, the people you hang out with, the times you use your computer, the stuff you watch on TV. 

Set up the roadblocks you need to help you be in the right places. 

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
When you have a healthy flow of friendships that meets a deep need in us for companionship, and feeling valued.  Be intentional about getting together with your buddies on a regular basis. 

If you are married, your job is to pursue your wife and cultivate a healthy relationship.  You may need some counseling help for this. 

Sexual recovery groups are great places to meet guys who are open, honest, and working on getting healthy. 

eye2WORKING ON VALUING WOMEN
A core problem with objectifying women is that we don’t value them.  We ogle women and sexualize the relationships that we have.  Women have to be seen as human beings.  Take one woman you work with or have a friendship with and focus on the fact that she’s a real person.  She’s someone’s daughter.  She has a real past that may be full of hurts and baggage.  She has others in her life who care about her.  She may have a husband or kids.  She’s a real person, not an object. 

When I get to ogling a girl, I have to practice saying “that’s a real person”, “that’s somebody’s wife and mother”.  It may also help to remind yourself to cherish your relationship with Jesus instead, or cherish your wife.

Come up with some strategy to put the value back into women. 

DEEP PRAYER WORK
Do something new in your prayer life.  Ask God to show you the stuff deep inside you.  Ask God to heal you from hurts.  Surrender your insides to him.  Don’t just ask Him to help your eyes, ask Him to cut to the source and do some heart surgery on you. 

This new type of praying is amazing.  I combine it with writing in my notebook to help me process what God is saying. 

ARE YOU TAKING A BREATHER?
Q:  What helps you to stop objectifying women?

Q:  How do you work on this tough area of sexual purity?

Q:  What could you add to this blog that would be helpful to others?

2 Comments
  1. Jay permalink
    November 29, 2009 8:18 am

    I use the three second rule when someone/something triggers me unexpectedly. I try (my best…not always perfect, but it is getting better) to give myself no more than three seconds when I realize I am going in wrong direction to change thought. I do use the “this is not healthy for me” and the “she is someone’s daughter” thoughts to help move me to better thoughts.
    Keep working at it, you can be better.

    • November 29, 2009 8:51 am

      Jay – Thanks for the tips! The 3-second rule is a big help to a lot of guys seeking sexual purity. It’s a good reminder to “bounce the eyes” and that we don’t have license to oggle.

      I like your saying, “this is not healthy for me”. I’m definitely going to put that one into my toolbag.

      Jeff

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