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You've Got to Have Other Dudes in Your Life

November 18, 2009

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This morning, I’m thinking about how importance it is to have a support when you are seeking to be sexually pure or recovering from sexual addiction. 

You’ve got to have other dudes in your life. 

If we want to be successful in sexual purity, other people have to know our business.  If you are hiding stuff, you can’t grow.  If you have an area of your life that you can’t talk to anybody about, it will become a stronghold and head toward destruction.  Other guys need to know our stuff. 

God designed us to be in relationship with Him and with others.  We may think we are loners and that we can make it alone in life… that’s a lie!  None of us can grow the way God wants by our own.  Even monks live in a monastery with other monks!  God has intersected your life with your friends, your church, your family, and your spouse. 

If you want to be a healthy male, you’ve got to be around healthy guys.  Go find them.  Learn how what a healthy, godly guy looks like. 

 Go to and learn some things from John Eldredge about being the man God called you to be.  Other guys model true masculinity to us.

No one understands what you struggle with better than another guy.  Tons of other guys struggle with porn, lust, masturbation, anger, and difficult marriages.  Go find some guys you can be real with.  You might have to start with a counselor or a pastor.  Maybe a small group.  If you dare, sexual support groups are full of guys that can relate to what you’re going through, and they’re about as real as it comes.

Other guys can also see our blind spots.  The things that we cannot see.

Men challenge other men and speak their language. 


Part of our design by God is to teach and train up others.  One of the most fulfilling things for a guy is to be able to teach other guys.  But you can’t teach until you are teachable.  You can’t train other dudes if you are going solo. 

A QUESTION FROM JEFF:  Don’t you want to be sharp? 

I think guys deep down want to be the best at things.  For some reason we think that masculinity and sexual purity are impossible to achieve.  But getting around other dudes will help you see that you can be sexually pure.  You can win at this and be the sharpened man of God you need to be. 

Pursue other men.  Make phone calls to guys.  Get into a group of men where you can learn and be your best.

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