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Emotions I Have to Deal With in Sexual Recovery

November 23, 2009

angerI’m thinking about doing a series on the underlying emotions that we have to heal from.  I wanted to share some raw stuff with you.  A blog series in the making.  Maybe this topic can be a help to you as I work on it further. 

 I have discovered a lot about “The Undercurrent” in my sexual recovery.  This is the stuff underneath that fuels my acting out.  It’s less about the behaviors, and more about what needs God’s healing inside of us.  The Undercurrent was a huge revelation for me.  I had tried for years to change my behaviors.  When I started looking at the stuff inside with my counselor and with my support groups, things changed. 

ashamed1 Here are some emotional hurts I had to deal with:

 Anger – at my parents, my wife, my mentors, God

Loneliness – unmet needs for support, friendship, love

Sense of Rejection – old girlfriends, peers, people I trusted

Desire for Approval – wanting everyone to like me, being at peace with everyone, approval addictembarrassed-2

Need to be Valued – loving the real me, appreciation for me as a person – flaws and all, dealing with derogatory words, low self-esteem

Feelings of Shame – feeling like I’m worthless, I’ve messed up, I can never be fixed, I am no good

Fear of Failure – the haunting worry that I will never meet the expectations of others, or my own

I am learning that when I feel hurt there is a wounding that has taken place.  It could be recent.  It could be from my childhood.  And many of them are multilayered.  I was a wounded boy.  A wounded adolescent.  And am in many ways a wounded man.  God wants to heal my wounds, and I am experiencing that. 



This is something my counselor has mentioned to me several times.  The jury is still out on this one.  But I think he’s right.  As I have explored my hurts, I have asked been coached to ask God, “What do I believe about this hurt?” and “What is Your truth about this situation?”  This type of praying and listening to God’s Spirit has been extremely helpful.


Q:  What emotions do you have to deal with in your recovery?

Q:  How are you finding healing?

Q:  What are you learning about healing from the deep stuff?

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