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My Way is the Only Way of Seeing Things

December 4, 2009

Frank Sinatra sang "I Did it My Way"

Why is it that when we start getting better, we consider ourselves the expert on something?

It’s a great thing when the Light goes on for a person about their sexual addiction.  A person starts to understanding their problems, triggers, the seriousness of their behaviors, and start changing.  Our sexual support groups are full of many people who have lights going off.

But some guys in recovery go through a phase, where they seem to have everything figured out.  Maybe they read an insightful book.  Maybe they had an enlightening counseling appointment.  Maybe they are having their first period of sobriety and are riding on a cloud.  But they start thinking that they have the right insights on everything. 

Inevitably, the guy starts counseling other people in group about what they need to do.  Imagine, a guy who’s been in recovery for just 2 months schooling a guy who’s been at it for a few years. 


Marsha and I were only a year and a half into our recovery when our Porn to Purity website and blog launched.  We were very hesitant to start the website.  Websites automatically make a person seem like an expert.  Some perceive us as authorities because we have designed a decent website and blog.  Far from it!

We are still in our recovery process.  We are still learning new insights and discovering things that we have been doing wrong. 

But it wasn’t long ago (about 6 months into my recovery) that I did feel like I understood the things and had great insights.


My Way isn't always the best way, is it?



1.  There are many avenues to recovery

2.  Differing things turn the lights on for different people

3.  People come from different backgrounds, depths of behaviors, and stories and require different solutions

4.  We’ve still got things we need to work on – Right Now

5.  We still have future things we will need to work on

6.  We probably need to do more listening, than talking

  1. JeffTN62 permalink
    December 6, 2009 5:18 pm

    Thank you for starting this web site.. I’m 9 months in to my sobriety from my drug of choice PORN.. regardless of where your at in your journey you can learn from others experiences. I was blessed to have a Wife that has stood by me and my good friends I have at Celebrate Recovery group I attend have been a blessing.. but this is lifetime journey… that is why accountability is a must- if your struggling find a CR group ro something similar to help you or you will isolate and fall back into your ways, there is no comparison to my life of denial in porn and what God has done so far in my life.

    • December 6, 2009 9:55 pm

      Hey, thanks for your comment! Congratulations on your 9 months. You probably wouldn’t have made it with our your CR group and your wife as a support. A good support structure is so critical to recovery. I tried and failed so many times. Only in the last couple of years when I have chosen to be authentic and gather a good support structure, have I experienced sustained victory and healing.

      Jeff Fisher

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