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How to Share Your Feelings Without Being a Sissy

December 9, 2009

I’ve come to a big realization that I can be a feelings sharer and not be a sissy.  Not one ounce of manhood has to be shed for someone to open up with there feelings.  Instead, I think a person is more of a godly man if they share their feelings.

 

TRAINED BY DAD AND CULTURE
Our dads model for us that we need to be tough.  We need to be strong.  Being “feely touchy” is for sissies.  Real men don’t cry.  Real men don’t share their emotions.  If our dads caught us crying, they say, “quit crying and suck it up”. 

This is a message that many of us have been taught, but it is not a godly message.  All over the bible there are examples of men who were solid, godly men who shared their feelings.

Moses, David,  Jonah, Jeremiah, Peter, Paul & Jesus all shared their feelings.  No one would call them a wimp.  They were strong in the Lord and yet cried out to God and had a wide range of emotions.

 

FEELINGS AND SEXUAL ADDICTION
So much of our recovery from sexual addiction is underneath the surface.  What’s going on inside that is causing you to act out.  Healing from sexual addiction means that you have to start exploring that stuff and talking about it.  Your wounds and hurts have to be talked about.  Your anger and unmet needs have to be talked about.  Somehow you have to start learning how to talk about your feelings with others. 

A misconception about sexual addiction support groups is that they are wimpy, touch feeling collectives.  There are a few that are extremely emotive and sensitive, but the groups I have been a part of are made up of tough men, influential men, leaders that got caught in their sexual behaviors, and now have learned to talk about it. 

 

WE FEEL WHETHER WE KNOW IT OR NOT
Inside of us, we all feel.  But we don’t all express our feelings. 

You feel anger, happiness, frustration, lonliness, hurt, joy and sadness.  These feelings get expressed outwardly or internalized.  For many of us, our feelings eventually come out in our actions.  Anger is a famous example.  Our anger will eventually come out, no matter how hard we try to push it away. 

Sexual addicts have started acting out because of their feelings and needs.  We have unmet needs, so we act out.  We are angry with our current sexual situation, so we act out.  Sexual addicts have learned to express themselves in very unhealthy ways. 

 

PART OF GOD’S DESIGN
God has designed us with an emotional side.  We are physical, emotional and spiritual.  If our emotional side is neglected, it affects the other parts of our being.  God wants us to  be healthy for the first time with our emotions. 

Bold Jeff Statement:  If you are not growing in your emotions, you are broken.  You are not functioning the way God has designed you. 

 

BENEFITS OF SHARING MY FEELINGS

1.  You can finally talk about the things underneath the surface

2.  Feelings are critical to growing a relationship

3.  Feelings are critical to real intimacy

4.  Others will identify with the things you are going through better, and be able to come along side you. 

5.  It is part of God’s design.  We will start being who he made us to be. 

 

I have learned that I can be a feelings sharer and still be a strong man of God.  My relationships and sexual health have drastically improved as a result. 

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