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A Joy to Bring My Sins to God

December 21, 2009

A friend of mind said something mindblowing recently.  He has been involved in sexual recovery for a short while.  He was sharing how God has brought him out of his deception and made him aware of his sins.  Then he said he was finally able to pray to God and find His forgiveness, and it was “a joy to bring his sins to God.”  

A joy to bring his sins to God? 

As I reflect on this idea I have several revelations and recognize some strains on my relationship with God. 

I HATE TO CONFESS
I hate to admit that I have sinned.  I feel shame and embarrassment over my sin and don’t want any part of it.  Confession is one of those things I want to speed through when I pray, or forget about altogether.  Yet I know that confession is healthy.  It’s important to admit our faults to God and to others, but it’s not a “joy”.   

GOD HAS FORGIVEN ME… A LOT
My sexual recovery has helped me to see my sinfulness and the amazing grace and forgiveness of God.  I have experienced it in deeper ways.  God has delivered me and is healing me from the consequences of my past.   

I AM ACCUSTOMED TO SHAME
I realize that I have walked in the shame of my sexual sins for a couple of decades.  I am slowly healing from this and rebuilding my Christian identity and worth.  My shame tells me that I am worthless, hopeless, that God doesn’t love me or that I’m not accepted.  These are lies.  God is teaching me about His unconditional acceptance and love through Christ. 

MY VIEW OF GOD IS UNBALANCED
I have often viewed God as an authoritarian.  I have believed that He looks down on us when we bring our sins to him.  I have often felt that I disappoint God.  I have felt that He rejects me because I fail.  It’s hard for me to accept unconditional love.  I have a harder time seeing God as loving, merciful, or Abba Father.   

JOY IS MORE ABOUT CONTENTMENT AND PEACE
When I am at peace with God and letting Him control my life, I feel steady.  I feel safe, accepted, content, at peace.  It shouldn’t matter what is going on around me, I am at peace with God.   

I think that this is what joy is.  I think that I can get to the point where I am depending on God and leaning on Him, so much that I can talk to Him about anything.    

AUTHENTIC AND REAL
So much of my recovery has been learning how to be authentic, real, open, honest and truthful.  As I have grown closer to the guys in my group and to my wife, I feel more comfortable sharing my garbage.  I’m not sure I feel that way with God like I should.   

My friend’s words are challenging my intimacy with God. 

 

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