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Jeff, is There Something We Need to Talk About?

December 30, 2009

My Covenant Eyes weekly accountability report came back with the suggestion:  “Close Review Strongly Suggested”.  This happens when there are a number of high ranking sites on a report.  The report will flag the highest ones and include them in the report.   

I have two accountability partners that get my report each week and review it.  One of them emailed me and said, “Jeff, is there anything we need to talk about?” 

Accountability snapped into motion, just like it should.  My buddy got involved, and then my wife.  Here’s a rundown of what happened.  Maybe it will encourage you on your journey toward purity on the Internet: 

Marsha read the report – She is not an accountability partner, but I showed the report to her.  I can’t afford to keep secrets anymore or to have a breach in trust again.  It’s a “No Secrets” policy in our household.   

Marsha and I talked about it – She asked me if I went anywhere questionable and what I remembered about the previous week.  I talked about everything I could remember.

Marsha went through all the sites that were flagged – This took a long time.  It was a bit grueling.  I couldn’t remember any problem sites, but I was afraid there would be surprise sites or images that showed up, or things I had forgotten. 

I had to account for some sites and images – There were a couple of images that I didn’t remember and never clicked on.  That wasn’t fun!  When I didn’t have an explanation for something, it was hard. 

There were a couple of sites I clicked on that were triggery, and an entertainment story I clicked on that was triggery.  Marsha and I talked about that, agreeing that the intent of my heart was probably not right.   

She and I talked some new strategy – We came up with a couple of adjustments.  But mainly, she told me she wanted me to work it out with my accountability partner. 

She emailed my accountability partner and I called him – We finished the circle of accountability.  I’ve made a commitment to communicate with my accountability partner. 

SHOULD A WIFE BE INVOLVED?
Marsha is not normally involved in this process.  But I have made a promise to her that if I have a slip up on the computer, I will confess it to her.  This is a part of our growing intimacy and transparency.  She is able to help me with this and talk about it.   

Your marriage may not be there.  Many times a wife doesn’t want to have to go through the details.  You and your wife need to talk about what will work best for your marriage, at this time. 

But most of my Internet activity is covered with my guy friends.  The intent of my heart.  Times of temptation and triggers.  We talk about them.   

Marsha’s efforts were an effort of love and trust.  It was a test of our trust.  It was a way that she was able to serve me.   

It was an important reminder of the seriousness of my Internet usage.  It’s easy to get casual.

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One Comment
  1. December 30, 2009 2:15 pm

    Thanks for being a model to others of openness and honesty.

    Some people prefer to have their wife as an accountability partner. Others do not. A recent survey we did of CE users revealed about 1/3 of our Members have their wife as an accountability partner. Interesting.

    http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/10/24/faq-friday-should-my-wife-be-my-accountability-partner/

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