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Is There Hope For My Marriage? Thoughts for Wives

January 8, 2010

Jeff wrote a blog recently called “Is it Hopeless?  Advice to Husbands”.     In today’s blog, Marsha wanted to offer encouragement to wives struggling with the same question. 

The most frequent question I am asked by wives is “Is there hope for my marriage?”  My answer is always “yes” regardless of what their particular situation might be.  

I believe that the Lord has the ability and desire to rescue every man mired in sexual immorality, no matter how long he has struggled or how deeply entrenched he has become.  Mercifully, nobody is outside the grasp of God’s strong and loving hand. 

This is sometimes difficult for wives to believe, especially those who have seen their husband experience temporary periods of sobriety, only to later find him confessing the same sin over and over again.  They wonder, understandably so, why this time will be any different than all the others.

That was my attitude for a long time.  How could I ever trust Jeff to change, when he kept getting my hopes up only to let me down again?  The change in my perspective came when I started putting my hope in the power of Christ, not my husband’s ability to stop viewing pornography. 

Hear me clearly —  I’m not saying that God took away my husband’s addiction because I started putting my hope in Jesus.  If only it were that easy.  What I am saying is that I quit questioning God’s ability to grow my husband away from this addiction as he grew closer to Christ. 

I stopped saying, “there is no hope” and started reminding myself of Ephesians 3:20 which offers praise and glory to Christ “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” 

If Christ were not in the business of forgiveness and restoration, than there would be no hope for our marriages.  But because the Lord doesn’t give up on our husbands (or us) there is hope that our marriage can be redeemed to what the Lord intended in the first place.  The New Testament is a testament of lives changed by the power of Christ…the sick are healed, sinners are redeemed and God is glorified in the process.  Zacchaeus, the Prodigal Son, the woman caught in adultery, and the apostle Paul are just a few examples.

What about the wife whose husband is unrepentant? Is their hope for her marriage? I think there is hope even then, but it need not be blind.  A wife shouldn’t sit back and accept lies or look the other way when sinful behaviors are exposed.  There are times when a wife must draw a line and be prepared to follow through with the consequences if that line is crossed.   That doesn’t mean she lacks faith or she has given up on the Lord.  Rather, it means she is taking her fight for her marriage to the next level.

We must keep in mind that God designed marriage and has a holy purpose for it.  I frequently tell women that their husband’s painful revelation could actually be the first step towards enjoying what God intended their marriage to be all along.  That has certainly been the case for my marriage.   I thank God that Jeff’s pornography addiction was brought into the light.  Had it not, I’m certain we would have never focused this intensely on discovering God’s design for healthy intimacy.

When wives have hope, they are willing to do the hard work that marriage recovery takes.  Even when their husband’s are struggling, they can endure the setbacks and continue the journey.  As followers of Christ, we must come alongside these women and encourage them and remind them of God’s truth and God’s power.  Galatians 6:2 advises us to “carry one another’s burdens”.  1 Thessalonians 4:8 says “comfort one another”. 

We truly become the body of Christ when we begin to minister hope and encouragement to the hurting people around us.  There is no shortage of hurting people today. 

How will you respond?

You can leave a comment on the blog, or email Marsha at .  All emails are kept in confidence.

  1. Jim permalink
    January 9, 2010 7:59 pm

    I must say that your video “Someone”s Daughter” has hit a nerve. I saw myself in it, and now I know that I’m not alone in the darkness. I now know I have someone I can talk to about my problem.
    I want to thank you for your work here.

    In case you’re wondering where and how I saw it.
    From Joe’s meeting in my church in Michigan.

    Again, Thank you


    • January 9, 2010 10:36 pm

      Hey Jim,

      Thanks for your comment. It’s great how God uses something great like that video, or a recovery workbook, or some guy’s testimony as a mirror to our own lives. We were looking at Psalm 32 this morning and talking about the “deceit” we fall into. We think we are OK, but we are really slipping farther away from the Lord and from healthy sexuality. We need other men and skilled hands to help us see the truth of where we really are.

      Keep it up Jim! Feel free to comment on any other stirrings you have. They are valuable to others.


  2. January 11, 2010 12:08 pm

    Thanks, Marsha. These are some great thoughts for wives.

    Thanks also for your help in reviewing the book for wives groups, Reclaiming Stolen Intimacy.

    There is no other book like it out there for women in this struggle.

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