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Feedback on “Girls in Church”

January 19, 2010

We continue to get a lot of good feedback on the blog “Girls in Church:  A Tough Trigger”

My good friend Tom chimes in with this:

I made the mistake one time of asking one of the young women in our church to dress differently. She was incensed that I would say anything to her and made it all about me and my problem. She even complained to one of the pastors about me looking at her who then talked with me about it. I then approached one of the pastor’s wives about talking with her about it and she refused. In her mind the woman was obviously struggling with her own issues and talking to her about it might drive her away from church and God.

This young woman could/should have been mentored by one of the older women in the church.  But discipleship of that kind doesn’t take place as much as it should in today’s churches. 

I am not in favor of a dress code, but things like this should be addressed somehow. 

It goes along with Titus 2:3-5: 

v. 3)  Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.

v. 4)  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,

v. 5)   to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Thanks, Tom!

  1. January 19, 2010 5:53 pm

    Here are some thoughts: To My Sisters, from your Brothers,

  2. JeffTN62 permalink
    January 23, 2010 2:50 pm

    Women in the Church don’t realize what their doing, some are a work in progress like we are in our addiction. You might not agree, but I don’t think it’s so much them changing their dress, when they could be new baby Christians- as it is an indication of where were at in our recovery. I found that when I started eliminating the reinforcement of my visual addiction- Porn, TV, Music, Magazines, Movies, Youtube, etc., breaking serial visual stimulation at the Mall, Work, Church, Concerts, etc.. it’s a process of learning self control a fruit of the spirit. I also pray for those women I meet that seem to be a “fixation” where your drawn to them and can’t look away- it’s a validation issue. If your still lusting while out in public, your still lusting at Church! Breaking it starts before you hit the Church door and eliminating the possibility of lusting. For me in my recovery, I thought I was doing quite ok, when I was so far from recovery and still in denial! On a family trip, a group of bikini glad mid 20’s girls came to the pool- it exposed that I was not even close to being in recovery! It threw me out of total whack, I wanted to act out, but God use it to show me I was not being serious on my recovery- found a counselor, found Celebrate Recovery, etc. Also it doesn’t have to be women in the present, it can be those in our past that linger in our thought life- I started praying for them, ask forgiveness to God for any hurt I might have caused. PLEASE know I feel for men starting this journey- knowing how hard it is, it takes time, don’t beat yourself up, find a recovery group, have accountability men in your life, being involved in bible studies, put the energy into your recovery as you did your addiction. GOD BLESS!

    • January 24, 2010 1:03 pm

      Good thoughts, Jeff. As I have talked to my wife about this topic she reminded me it’s easy to blame the girls and take the focus off of the guy with the addiction. Our sin nature, our lust, our history of objectifying women, and our current undisciplined habits are a big part of the problem.

      I like what you say about learning self control – a fruit of the Spirit. We need to spend time with God and with other guys on this.

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