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I’m Losing My Job, But I’m Not Acting Out

February 1, 2010

 “I didn’t get the job.”  This is a phrase that many have been saying for the last couple of years.  And it’s a phrase that I said only a few days ago. 

I am losing my current job in a few weeks.  But God is helping me through this new crisis, and the things I am learning in recovery are helping me cope with disappointment in a healthy way. 

I have been working in a contracting position for the last 18 months.  God provided for our family after we moved to Raleigh, NC by giving me this job.  For a long time I have had the hopes that it would turn into a permanent placement.  The job has been converted, but a more experienced person was chosen over me.  On top of this, I’ve been asked to stay on for a month to train my replacement. 

There are times when I have been very angry about this situation.  Feeling rejected.  Feeling undervalued.  Feeling disrespected.  Feeling angry toward my boss.

In the past
, I would have acted out in many ways:

  • Lashed out at my boss
  • Retreat into myself
  • Escape with the TV and computer
  • Push the anger down and deny what I was feeling
  • Masturbate
  • Look at porn
  • Let it my anger out on my wife and kids
  • Try to feel better by having sex


Sexual Addiction recovery has been teaching me healthy, new ways to deal with crisis, consequences, and emotions

  • Talking to and spending time with my wife
  • Talking to my counselor
  • Bringing my situation and frustrations to my support group
  • Spending time with friends
  • Serving others and giving
  • Surrender the situation to God in prayer
  • Spend time seeking God in the Bible
  • Having others pray for me, especially when the waves of emotion come
  • Turning to my wife for intimacy (not necessarily sex), support, and connection 


There are other things I have been learning from God and my friends during this process. 

  1. God is in controlToo often I think the situation is in my hands and that getting a job rests solely on my good interview, or my performance, or my dressing well, or my giving the perfect example.  God is reminding me again of His higher plans. 
  2. God loves me in a big wayMe suffering and going through this test / trial does not change God’s love for me.  The rejection I have felt from my boss and some coworkers does not mean that I am unloved.  God is continually reminding me of His love for me.  
  3. I need others to help me through this crisis – Many times that I’ve been struggling, I’ve had to call guys and have them carry me through this.  I have needed their prayers on times when I was weak emotionally and weak in my faith.  Others have helped me deal with the fears and the anger I have had.  
  4. I can glorify God in my suffering – I’ve already had many opportunities to tell how Christ has been helping me through this letdown.  Others have told me that if it was them they’d bail, or give their boss a piece of their mind.  I told them I wanted to do that, but God has been helping me live above it.  I have even been able to respond out of graciousness to my boss. 
  5. I have to walk in faith – As a symbolic gesture, my family and I went out to eat after I found out the news.  We celebrated “in faith” what God was going to do, and the change that would come.  Honestly, I did not feel like going out to eat or celebrating.  But my following through with dinner helped.  It has also been a good lesson to our 9-year old son. 

 I will be glad when the next job comes.  Sometime between now and March 8th God will have to provide for us.  I wonder what is already falling into place that God is perfectly preparing?

  1. JeffTN62 permalink
    February 1, 2010 5:22 pm

    Jeff, I will be praying you find a new position. I feel for you as 80% of my acting out in the past was because of my job stress and justification on how they treated me. I was always wanting my managers to change when God was asking me to change. Keep up the fight.. know your not alone!

    • February 1, 2010 7:35 pm

      Thanks guys for your prayers for my job search. I had some people email me already to let me know they are praying for me.

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