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Marsha Reviews "No More Headaches" by Dr. Judi Slattery

February 23, 2010

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I am so thankful for the marriage recovery resources I’ve been given and stumbled across over the last two years.   The Lord has used several books written by Christian authors to help me better grasp what God intends for my marriage and how to find forgiveness and healing from the wounds we’ve both inflicted and received.  After reading these books, I’m reminded that I’m not alone and my situation is not hopeless.

The most recent book I’ve read was “No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in Marriage”  by  Dr. Juli Slattery and it is excellent.  It is both serious and funny, educational and entertaining.  Best of all, it is so biblically sound.  I would love to go through this book with a group of ladies. 

Below is a summary of each chapter and a few key concepts that I received from Dr. Slattery’s book. 

 Chapter One: You Got Me What?

Christian couples struggling with intimacy issues assume they are the only ones.  Slattery knows that many couples struggle in silence and she believes that God uses these struggles to bring us closer to each other and Him.

“There are seasons in marriage when sexual intimacy and fulfillment come easily.  There are other seasons, however, that are fraught with stress, resentment and disappointment.  I firmly believe that the frustrations we experience in sex aren’t simply the consequences of living in a fallen world, but are actually part of the gift itself.  Even when sex isn’t great, God is doing something in your heart and in your marriage, perhaps forging an intimacy beyond the physical.”

She goes on to suggest that sexual intimacy is like a gift of Legos.  When my kids get a box of Legos, they are not already put together.  The fun is figuring out how the pieces all fit together.  In the same way, God’s greatest gift of sex isn’t so much about the final product as what takes place as you strive to put it all together.  

Pure genius Juli.  I’ll never forget that analogy.

Chapter 2: My Bedroom Ceiling Hasn’t Changed in the Past Five Years

Chapter 2 talks about different barriers wives have to enjoying sex.  We believe the lie that great sex just happens, because that is how it works on soap operas and romance novels.  But in reality, a dynamic sex life requires time, effort and attention.    Slattery offers five common barriers wives encounter and then offers some thoughts on how to respond, once you’ve identified your barriers. 

I’m really glad that Slattery also mentions in this chapter and in others that “just get it over sex” is a dangerous pattern for marriages.  We think we are fulfilling our obligations as a wife and meeting our husband’s needs, but this type of sex is unhealthy for us and our husbands.  If this is where you are, Slattery encourages you to consider meeting with a Christian counselor who specializes in intimacy issues. 

Chapter 3: Is It Good to be a Bad Girl?

Some Christian couples struggle with what is acceptable and unacceptable in terms of marital sex.  Rather than giving a list of do’s and don’ts, in Chapter 3 Slattery looks at five basic principals rooted in Scripture regarding sexual boundaries for married couples. 

Fence number three – Sex Must Not Be Enslaving – really struck a chord with me, given my husband’s struggle with sexual addiction.  Slattery points out that sex is a natural, reoccurring need, not an obsession.  She adds that even within the context of marriage, sexual urges can stem from unhealthy needs such as loneliness, anger, depression and anxiety.  In this situation, sex because the dominant way to meet those deep needs, and sex become a mastering force.

Links: 
No More Headaches:  Chapters 1-3
No More Headaches: Chapters 4-7
No More Headaches:  Chapters 8-10

Dr. Slattery speaks at a women’s conference about “No More Headaches.”  Click here.

 

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