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How Bad Do You Want to Heal From Your Addiction?

February 24, 2010

When your world falls apart and you are confronted with your sexual sin, you have to decide:  “How serious am I about getting well?”  This is not a one-time decision, but a series of decisions.  You can decide if you want to take no action, or radical action. 

Here’s a list of some recovery strategies we adopt.  Where are you on the scale?


  • I don’t need to work on it.  I’ll be fine.
  • I got found out, but there’s no need for me to change.
  • I’m a guy, and guys look at porn.  Nothing wrong with this.
  • It’s not my fault.  I wouldn’t be like this if my wife wasn’t like she was. 
  • My situation is hopeless, I might as well binge and be happy. 



  • I’ll just “white-knuckle” it. 
  • I need to punish myself when I act out.  Consequences. 
  • I just need to stop my behavior. 
  • I’ll read a couple of books and blogs for help. 
  • I’ll sign up for an online course to help me be pure. 
  • I’ll deal with this privately, but not publically. 



  • I need to pray more and read the Bible.
  • I need to memorize the works of C.S. Lewis and Jonathan Edwards.
  • I need make stronger vows and commitments to God.



  • I’ll talk to my pastor
  • I’ll go see a counselor
  • I’ll visit the men’s group at my church
  • I need some accountability



  • I’m going to come clean with my wife, and humbly seek her help. 
  • I’m going to join a sexual support group
  • I’m going to get some intensive counseling
  • I’m going to a live-in program (or rehab)

Think about where you are on this recovery continum.  Not everyone needs to go to a live-in program, but if we are not changing anything at all we are in a bad place.  We are worse off than we think.  Those that are doing well in sexual addiction recovery, are turning to others for help, and taking some extreme steps to get as much help as they can.

Q:  What other strategies do you think there are?
Q:  What’s missing from my lists?
Q:  What other strategies are radical in recovery?

One Comment
  1. JeffTN62 permalink
    February 24, 2010 5:00 pm

    Till I was willing to do the RADICAL- accountability, 12 step group, counseling, a focus walk for my christian life, reading, seminars- cleaning out the trophy stash us men keep to relive the past, willing to change every character defect- I didn’t find ongoing true victory. The reality is this problem is so deep, intertwined with our personality and being you have to have a all out assault on your recovery.

    When I repressed and white knucked- it never lasted. First sign of rejection, stress- I was back to my drug of choice- sex addiction.

    Just a little porn you say? you might not get an on going addiction but you will still pay in lack of intimacy and never know the true God wholeness of not having it in your life effecting decisions you make- if you accept a little porn, you might not resist when a big opportunity presents itself to withstand sexual temptation at work, online, etc..

    Maybe it’s not you with an issue- but you could be permitting it with not taking a stand with a permissive attitude towards porn, sex. This could cause your spouse to go down this road-swimsuit mags, online chat, romance novels, looking up old boyfriends/girlfriends on Facebook, are door ways to bigger issues that could be devastating.

    Make a clear stand in your marriage, you will save a lot of heart ache later.

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