Skip to content

Finding a Safe Place to Tell Your Secrets

March 11, 2010

THE IMPORTANCE OF A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
We need to tell our secrets to safe people.   

People struggling with sexual sin will not share their struggles if the environment is unsafe.  Why would they share if they are going to be shamed, yelled at, labeled or condemned? 

What does a safe environment look like?

1.  MAJORS ON LOVE
Part of a safe environment is a community that is loving, gracious, merciful, and accepting.  A community that values the individual and identifies with the sinful condition. 

2.  TAKES SIN SERIOUSLY
But a safe environment doesn’t mean that we ignore sin.  We understand that we all sin, but we also have to deal with it.  Correction, instruction, teaching, rebuking and disciplining are all part of a healthy environment too.

3.  PEOPLE WHO WILL GET IN THE MUD WITH YOU
Someone who has a sexual problem needs help and correction, but it needs to be sandwiched around love and grace.  A sexual struggler needs to be around people who can listen, then roll up their sleeves and help him work on it and take the next steps.

Sadly, many churches are not safe environments for sharing sexual sin. 

So what is a person to do?  Give up on the church?  Not share?  No.   If you value authenticity, you have to go find a place where you can be authentic.  You have to cultivate some type of relationship where you can be real and share your junk. 

START WITH A COUNSELOR
I think a counselor’s office is a great place to start your journey of sharing your deepest struggles.  Counselors are confidential.  They listen without judgment.  They give constructive feedback.  And if you find a counselor with some training with sexual problems, they have skills to help you work on your struggles. 

A counselor, another pastor, a best friend… these are all places for you to start finding a safe place. 

There is risk that comes with sharing your deep stuff.  You can’t control how your friend or fellow pastor will react.  But I guarantee, most guys have struggled with sexual sin in the past, or currently struggle with it.  You will be surprised to find out that you are not alone, and you are not the only one who wants to share their struggles, but feels like they can’t.

One Comment
  1. March 12, 2010 1:36 pm

    This is a great blog. I’m very glad I found it. I’ve recently started a support group in my church, since there wasn’t anything like it, and have 10 guys coming out on a weekly basis. The stuff you have said above is critically important. I’m looking forward to following your posts.

    I’ve started my own blog about my journey (only the first installment so far)
    http://firststepsonthejourney.blogspot.com/

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: