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What Should I NOT Say to My Friend Who Struggles Sexually?

April 7, 2010

We’ve been looking at ways to help our friends who struggle sexually.  At a time when most of their support is abandoning them, you are placed in your friend’s life by God for a reason. 

Here are some suggestions on what not to say.  Go back to MONDAY and TUESDAY‘s blogs for more help on what to do and what to say.


1.  Don’t give trite expressions

“This too shall pass.”
“There’s a reason for everything that happens.”
“It will all work out in the end.”
“You’ll be a better person for this.”
“You’ll be in our thoughts and prayers.”
“It’s the painful times that cause us to appreciate God more.”

These may be true, but they are not helpful in a time of crisis.  These are not “get in the mud” statements.  They blow past the incredible amount of pain your friend is going through. 

2.  Don’t lecture the person – There’s a time for rebuke and for correction, and you may be the person later to dispense that.  But the car accident victim in the hospital doesn’t need a lecture on driving safety and road responsibility.  He needs words of comfort and encouragement. 

3.  Don’t try to solve his problems – The person in crisis will say that he wants solutions, but what he really wants is for things to be magically wiped away.  He will wish he could go back and undo what has happened.  Now is not the best time for problem solving and quick fixes.  You may have a lot of answers and solutions, but share those another time.  Be a presence.  Listen.  Support.  Comfort. 

4.  Don’t spread gossip about your friend –Loose lips will fly on their own.  Don’t make it any worse.  Support your friend with your words.  Stand up for your friend when others write him off or label him.  Believe in his potential to recover and heal.  Believe in God’s ability to redeem your friend’s situation. 

Your love and concern for your friend will go a long way.  Your steadfastness will speak even louder.  Don’t be shy in talking to your friend.  Don’t feel like you will be bothering him.  Your friend needs you and your words more than he realizes. 

What can you DO that will help your friend who struggles sexually? – MONDAY

What can SAY that will help your friend who struggles sexually? – TUESDAY

What should I NOT SAY to my friend who struggles sexually?  – TODAY

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One Comment
  1. April 7, 2010 9:42 am

    Sometimes not saying anything, but just listening, is the best thing you can do for your friend. We live in a fast food world that doesn’t have time for anything. One of the strongest gifts we can give is our undivided attention. It can speak volumes without uttering a word.

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