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Stop Getting Advice From Stupid People!

April 8, 2010

I was working on a section of my Crisis Stage book and started to think about stupid people. 

I’m just going to rant here a little bit and call it straight.

[Jeff gets on soapbox]

Why would we listen to someone who doesn’t have a handle on their own life?
Why if we are in crisis do we listen to people who are in the middle of their own crisis?

I have a friend of mine who is getting divorced.  This friend doesn’t have any wise people around.  The only people giving counsel are other divorced people. 

Why would we take marriage advice from someone who has failed in their own? 

In our sexual struggles… why would we listen to someone who is miserable, depressed, hates their spouse, hates life, and hates God?  Why would we  listen to people who don’t care about resoration in your marriage or sexual purity?

Get around people who have their life together.  They can still be “broken world” people, but they need to be mature and wise and not in Crisis Stage themselves. 

Get around people who love God and believe in restoration and sexual purity.  

Find a counselor that helps.  Find a church that cares.  Find a support group that works for you. 

Don’t settle for stupid people who don’t know what they’re talking about and are speaking out of their own pain.

[Jeff gets off soapbox]

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  1. April 8, 2010 12:56 pm

    Finding a councelor is fairly easy, where I come from. Finding a Church that really cares or a support group is not as easy. Most churches want to sweep this kind of mess under the carpet and hope that it goes away. Groups that meet, try to be discreet for the welfare of those that attend and sometimes become the best kept secrets of the area. It takes brave people to stand up, in and out of church and declare that they have a problem and need help. But you would be surprised how hamy other men will come allong side, later, quietly, and tell you they are in the same boat. That’s how the support group I attend happened. Some one has to step up and decide to do , as the little voice in their head tells them, and open up for the healing to really start.

    When I start to hear someone say something stupid about a subject I know they know nothing about or have failed in their life, I usually smile shake my head and move on. In the group, i attend, there are no stupid people, some stupid choices from the past, but these are men who have decided to stepup and put up. To get their lives in order to please the God that they have finaly decided to serve.

    These are real men!

  2. April 8, 2010 7:00 pm

    Jeff: Preach it bro.

    Actually I think taking advice from someone that has been there and learned from it can be very, very useful. As you point out though, taking advice from someone that does not have all their “stuff in one bag” is an altogether different thing.

    • April 9, 2010 8:03 am

      Thanks victoryispossible. It’s good that you bring out that there are experienced people who have been there. Those are the people that we have to keep looking for in our sexual addiction recovery.

      You website / blog looks interesting. Good to know there’s some good help in Wichita, KS. I’ll pass any contacts along.

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