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How to Deal With Edgy Days

April 16, 2010

On yesterday’s blog I started talking about “Why Do We Have Edgy Days?”.  I mentioned three reasons our days can get edgy:

1.  Guys have a cycle too

2.  Dysfunction in our Marriage

3.  Our Stress Levels

To read yesterday’s blog:  CLICK HERE

 

4.  OUR SIN NATURE
Let’s not forget about our on hearts.  Many times, want to follow our own way, and not God’s.  We choose to be selfish, and not serving.  Even when we are following God and taking the right steps, we will have struggles with our sinful nature.  We will feel this pull to follow our sinful passions.  Some days are harder than others, aren’t they?   

Also, if we are taking steps in the sinful desire direction, we’re going to have more challenge.  If I look at a girl, linger, and start to fanaticize about her, I’m going to have a harder time stopping.  I’m also going to have a harder time when the next pretty girl walks by.  When we start to open doors to different levels of acting out, it’s going to contribute to an already edgy day.   

We may also be quietly moving in the direction of my sinful desires, and not realize it.  Have you ever caught yourself flipping through a magazine or surfing the channels, and realize that you were really looking for something sexual?  That’s our sinful nature.  That’s how tricky our own hearts can be.  Maybe we didn’t act out, but the intent of our hearts is already set on finding some sexual stimulation. 

5.  OUR NEED FOR CONNECTION
Don’t underestimate your need for others.  We get to feeling edgy when we are not experiencing healthy relationships.  Some of us in sexual addiction recovery are still learning what it means to have healthy relationships. 

Another key word here is intimacy.  Intimacy is not always sexual.  Think of intimacy as “you knowing someone and them knowing you”.  That works with your relationship with God, your spouse, your friends, your family.  Each of these relationships has a level of intimacy. 

One of our deeper needs is for intimacy.  When we are not experiencing intimacy, we cry out for it.  Emotionally and relationally we are feeling a deficit.  This may be another factor contributing to your edgy-ness.

Ask, yourself…

Q:  Do I need to be around others right now?
Q:  Am I feeling lonely?  Abandoned?  Rejected?  Not valued? 
Q:  Do I need some physical touch that’s non-sexual?
Q:  Do I need to dump out my junk to someone?

 

SO WHAT DO I DO WHEN I’M EDGY?

Probably the most important thing is what we’ve already talked about:  be aware of what’s going on inside of you.  The cycle, your feelings about your marriage, your stress, your sin nature, your need for others. 

Here are some other helpful things:

  1. Write out your feelings, triggers, stresses in a notebook or journal
  2. Call out any trigger women or situations.  Ask Him to help you.
  3. Call a friend.  Call a friend.  Call a friend.  It really works.
  4. Talk to your wife.  Not about the details, but about your need to connect relationally and perhaps sexually.
  5. Counseling and Group are very helpful in working out the underneath stuff.
  6. Busyness works as a distraction and to take a breather from the waves.  It doesn’t deal with the issues underneath, but it gives you a bit of needed distance from them. 

 

OTHER SUGGESTIONS?
Q:  How else do you deal with edgy days?
Q:  What else contributes to your edgy days?

porntopurity@gmail.com

 

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