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What Do You Do Your First 30 Days? (need your feedback)

May 7, 2010

Q: What tips to you have for your first 30 days of sexual addiction recovery? porntopurity@gmail.com

 

I’m working on my the next Top Tips For Sexual Purity podcasts (shows 72 & 73).  The topics are:

Tips For Your First 30 days of Recovery – Episode 072

Tips For Your First Year of Recovery – Episode 073

 

I’d like your thoughts on these topics.  porntopurity@gmail.com  or Leave a comment on the blog

I won’t mention anyone’s name on the podcast.  Everything’s completely anonymous on this site.  I just want to know your thoughts. 

Give you your best advice for someone for the first 30 days, and for the first year

Great Blog: The Spouse's Blog at Every Man's Battle.com

May 6, 2010

We have moved to porntopurity.com.
Have you ever checked out 
Every Man’s Battle.com?

Did you know they have great blogs for men, teens, parents, pastors,  and spouses

Justine T. writes content for the Spouse’s blog and has  just published a blog called “10 Things Wives Need to Know”.  I want to point you over to the site. 

Here are the main points in her article.  Spouses of husbands with sex addiction will be very encouraged by the article, and challenged.  

  1. It’s Not About You
  2. Porn and lust were there first 
  3. You can’t control the situation…or him 
  4. He has to want to change 
  5.  Perfection will not happen. Don’t expect it
  6. It’s not about getting even 
  7.  He is responsible for his actions…as you are for yours 
  8.  His actions don’t determine your trust 
  9.  He’s a victim, too 
  10.  It will be hard

Link to the article:  HERE

Great Blog: The Spouse’s Blog at Every Man’s Battle.com

May 6, 2010

Have you ever checked out Every Man’s Battle.com?

Did you know they have great blogs for men, teens, parents, pastors,  and spouses

Justine T. writes content for the Spouse’s blog and has  just published a blog called “10 Things Wives Need to Know”.  I want to point you over to the site. 

Here are the main points in her article.  Spouses of husbands with sex addiction will be very encouraged by the article, and challenged.  

  1. It’s Not About You
  2. Porn and lust were there first 
  3. You can’t control the situation…or him 
  4. He has to want to change 
  5.  Perfection will not happen. Don’t expect it
  6. It’s not about getting even 
  7.  He is responsible for his actions…as you are for yours 
  8.  His actions don’t determine your trust 
  9.  He’s a victim, too 
  10.  It will be hard

Link to the article:  HERE

Psalm 90:14-15 – A Challenging Prayer For Perspective

May 6, 2010

 

 

I like to go to the book of Psalms a lot as I begin my bible reading.  I have found the book of Psalms especially helpful in sexual addiction recovery.  I came across Psalm 90 this morning.  I was especially moved by vv.14-15:

 

 

 Psalm 90:14-15 (New International Version)

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
       that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
       for as many years as we have seen trouble.

The psalmist prays for God to have compassion on his servants who have known him, but recently been experiencing his wrath.  He’s obviously been through some hard times, but now is asking God for perspective.  

“satisfy us in the morning with Your love” – One of my prayers lately, is that I would learn to be a better lover of God.  In my addiction, I was a lover of self and my intimacy with God was whithering away.  I want that back.  I want to wake up in the morning, seek God and His love, and be satisfied. 

I feel like I am still trying to find satisfactions in things that cannot satisfy me.  My work, this blog, my wife, my kids, or my hobbies.  I pour a lot of energy and time in them, but often to the detriment of my relationship with God.  

God help me to learn again to be satisfied in You!

“Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us.” – I’m not sure this is saying, “make us glad You afflicted us” (even though we can thank God for that).  To me, the psalmist remembers a large chunk of years that were not pleasant, and he wants to be see the dawning of God’s love again.  He wants God to move from affliction mode to affection mode.  He wants this chapter in his life to be one of closeness to God, gladness, and satisfaction.  

My addiction sent me into a downward spiral.  I invited the heavy hand of God with my behaviors and heart change.  I deserved a humbling, and worse.  God out of His love caused my sexual behaviors to be found out.  He allowed me to begin a chapter of affliction, to break me down and rebuild my life with healthy components.  

I am already experiencing this new chapter of a deeper relationship with God. 

I want more. 
What Are Your Thoughts?
Leave a comment on the blog or email us privately at porntopurity@gmail.com

What it Takes to Be an Iron Man in Recovery

May 5, 2010

**UPDATED** 
Here’s a review of Iron Man 2 from Pluggedin.com,
the great site from the Christian ministry Focus on the Family.

This post however is an encouragement to you to stay strong in your recovery (sexual addiction or otherwise) and be a “Recovery Iron Man”!

“Iron Man” is hot right now.  It has blockbuster status and means box office bucks.  It fills the toy aisles at Toys R Us.  It’s selling lots of MP3s.  

The term “iron man” used to describe an endurance athlete.  Think Ironman Triathalon.  A person who had so trained their body and built up their stamina that they were able to go a great distance and compete.  

That’s the type of person I want to be with my recovery and with my sexual purity.  I want to be an Iron Man!  I want to endure, get better, and bring great glory to God with my energy, passion, creativity, and sexuality.  

As I am learning from those who are going the distance in their sexual addiction recovery, I see at least 5 characteristics that make them Iron Men.  

1.  A Good Shaking in Their Lives
Most of the veterans I know in recovery have experienced some hard bottoming out.  They have come to the end of themselves several times.  They have gone through a humbling.  They have experienced brokenness.  They have experienced a deep sense of loss.  

God’s shaking takes away a person’s dependence on himself.  It might have come through great loss, great consequences, or a harsh shot of reality.  

God also shakes away a person’s selfishness and self-centeredness.  The Iron Men I know in recovery are humble people who pour themselves into other guys.

2.  A Strong Rebuild
Recovery Iron Men have had their lives rebuilt.  They have cut off unhealthy habits, relationships, and attitudes.  Their lives are being built on healthy ones.  Emotionally, relationally, spiritually, and even physically, they are different.  They are stronger.  They have learned to filter out the materials that take away from their purity and only allow the good building materials. 

3.  The Right Support Structure
An Iron Man doesn’t become an Iron Man by himself.  He surrounds himself with a whole team that can encourage him, challenge him, comfort him, and walk with him through muddy waters.  His team might be counselors, pastors, a support group, accountability buddies, and his spouse.  The Iron Man has also learned to tell his support team exactly what he’s feeling and struggling with so they can give him the right help he needs. 

4.  Lots of Strengthening and Conditioning
Iron Men in recovery are building themselves and training.  They spend the necessary time in the Bible and in prayer.  They nurture healthy relationships with their spouse and with other guys.  They endure and gut through the challenges.  They know when to take a rest, and when to charge hard.  They go to conferences and intensives to sharpen their tools.  They have tune up appointments with counselors so they won’t slip.  They get in the trenches with other guys and help them along, only making themselves stronger. 

5.  Time and Distance
A recovery Iron Man knows that this is a marathon.  The ups and downs are not as important as is running a good race and making it to the finish line.  

The Iron Man believes in LSD– long slow distance running. 

The Iron Man knows that recovery is a process.  He has to keep working at it over time.  He knows that he has to build greater distance between his old, bottom line behaviors and himself.  He knows that each step in the right direction is one more step of separation.  

The Iron Man knows that the healing of his heart and of relationships takes time.  Things won’t be restored in a day.  Trust won’t be restored quickly.  

  

COMMENTS
Q:  What other traits of a recovery a Iron Man can you think about?
Q:  What are the recovery veterans you know doing right?

porntopurity@gmail.com

** Jeff and his wife Marsha have been in recovery since 2007 from Jeff’s sexual struggles.  They have found God’s victory, healing, and renewal in their marriage.  They are co-creaters of www.porntopurity.com.  Jeff podcasts twice a week on “Top Tips For Sexual Purity” (I-Tunes) sharing quick, meaty bites that he’s learning in his own recovery process.

Porn to Purity.com Getting a Reboot

May 4, 2010

Hey everyone! Our main site porntopurity.com is getting a redesign and will be up and down.

Porntopurity.com will soon be the main site for all of our P2P offerings: resources, blog & podcasts.

We can’t wait for you to see it! We hope you have a good day today in your recovery and in your sexual purity.

Jeff & Marsha

Why Spiritual People Envy Sexual People

May 4, 2010

Struggling With Envy

Marsha and I are sharing insights from the Pure Life Ministries 2010 Conference we went to this past weekend. 

Steve Gallagher, founder of Pure Life Ministries, had a wonderful session at the conference.  He shared a message from Ephesians 2:1-10.  I was struck by this passage and by some of his thoughts:

“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world…”  Eph. 2:1-2 NIV

We didn’t used to care about our old lifestyle – We were doing our own thing for years.  We had no regard for God and felt like our life was fine.  We had no idea our path was leading to death and destruction. 

God woke us up to His love and His path – For those who have a relationship with Jesus Christ, God intervened.  He showed us the incredible love of Jesus.  He showed us our need to go on a different path. 

We realize how far we have to go – Somewhere along our new journey, we realize how far off we were and how far we have to go.  There’s a lot of work to be done in our lives to make us like Jesus.  We see that our journey is a long one. 

We start to envy the people who live the old lifestyle – Our life of following Christ can get difficult.  God sometimes has to discipline us to make us more like Him.  He calls us into hardship and suffering.  When life gets hard, we can start thinking that the old lifestyle was really better off.  We can start envying those who seem to live free and can do anything they want. 
THE LIE BEHIND IT ALL
In times of discouragement, we start believing that those living in our old lifestyle can have sex whenever they want, watch porn, masturbate, and act out and there be no consequences.  We start to think they are having all the fun and we’re not.   We envy them.

But we forget the cost of sexual sin.  We see the worm, but we forget about the hook. 

Sexual sin always costs us.  It always takes us away from God’s best path for our lives.  We can’t please God and give into our sexual desires.  Sin will always lead us back to destruction, death and shame. 

Don’t give into feelings of envy.  They are really lies.  Ask God to help you see the bigger picture.